I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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