Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize
