imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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