I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
