Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
