I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
