i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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