he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
