You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
