I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
