I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
