Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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