And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got chris browned last night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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