FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
