Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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