I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
