Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
