My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
