Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
