Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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