i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
