I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
