I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
