Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
