i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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