Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
