Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
