all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
