it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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