he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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