I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Mom said you looked used
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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