My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
