ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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