is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel like abortions should bother me more
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I love having hate sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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