I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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