Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
