What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
