I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
