Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
worst night to have a conscience
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
