I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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