I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So squirting runs in the family.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
