She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
