I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
