My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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