can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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