when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
