just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
