were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
