I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
