I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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