remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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