I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
