I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
