She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
