Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
